Good-byes

“Well, here at last, dear friends, on the shores of the Sea
comes the end of our fellowship in Middle-earth.
Go in peace!
I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil.”
~ J.R.R. Tolkien ~

Yesterday, it was time for another good-bye. Together with a group of friends, I drove to the airport in the wee hours of the morning to farewell two precious people. I have known them only for the past six months, but some people you meet and it's love at first sight. So it was with Dave and Greta. And now they're gone. Hopefully I will see them again. But even in this day and age, Indiana (USA)-Auckland (New Zealand) is a long way. There is hope. There will always be hope. But there is also the thing called realistic which sometimes translates to pessimistic.

From a young age, my life has been riddled with good-byes, be it people or places or animals or dreams. There came a time when I became practically numb to it. Where I began to expect good-byes around every corner. As a result, I became cautious, very cautious. Why enter into a relationship with someone: They might leave anyway. Why trust someone: Disappointment was already waiting in the wings.
So, inevitably life became very lonely. Predictable, yes, but also very very lonely. At some point in my life I finally allowed the grief over all these good-byes back in. And in it came. It rushed in, almost drowning me at times. I remember gasping for breath in particular strong waves. I remember learning to surf the waves rather than being constantly swept away by them. I remember fighting the urges to go back to a life without grief. A life that appears to be so much easier to bear at times. And then I remember why I want to feel. Why it's all worth it. Because ultimately, there is no joy without tears.

“Every meeting led to a parting, and so it would, as long as life was mortal.
In every meeting there was some of the sorrow of parting,
but in everything parting there was some of the joy of meeting as well.”
~ Cassandra Clare ~