Reaching for the stars

Tomorrow, I will embark on a journey bigger than any journey I have travelled before. I will drive down to Taupo and, as part of a team of four, walk 100km within 36 hours. This slightly crazy endeavour has taken me five months of preparation. Since November last year, I have spent hours and hours and hours of walking to get ready. I have walked up and down numerous hills. More times than I can remember I was ready to throw the towel, to get out, to find a different hobby. I had an injury early on in the training and needed lots of physio and acupuncture to get going again. More than once I questioned my own sanity, my abilities. And still, I kept going…

What kept me going was not only because all of this supports a great cause, but also because of my slightly stubborn streak and my desire to cross something off my bucket list that had been sitting there for a while. And don't get me wrong – there were many times where I absolutely enjoyed myself. The times when my husband and I walked the beaches in our neighbourhood at night. Or when we admired the full moon coming up next to Skytower. It has been a crazy ride, but oh, so worth it.

And you know, this journey is so similar to other goals we have in our life. I facilitate a group for women who have experienced abusive relationships once a week together with a colleague of mine. This week we talked about boundaries and how difficult it can be to set these. I listened for a while, being a witness to the struggles these women go through in their lives. And then something clicked for me.

Five months ago, I started this journey. At that point, I was nowhere near walking 100km in one go. 20, maybe, just maybe, 30km might have been OK, but that's about it. I would not have been able to walk the whole thing without killing myself. It is the same with the boundaries some of these women struggle to set: They might want to set a boundary with their abusive (ex)partner, but this is just too big a task to do. So, they give up. Just as I could have given up five months ago. I could have said: “This is impossible! I am NEVER going to be able to do this!!!” And that would have been fair enough. But this is how we bury our dreams. Accept the status quo. Stop reaching for the stars. Because we tend to forget that all things need training. Walking 100km needs training. So does setting boundaries. And learning to be gentle with ourselves. And accepting our feelings for what they are. We don't start out with the biggest challenge. We pace ourselves. We have a rest when we get tired or hurt. We experience many up and down moments. We celebrate victories along the way. And then, one day, we are ready to face the biggest challenge. And then, just then, we dare to reach for the stars…