Fear

“If you really want to know what fear is – go to the edge of your script.”
To me, this cryptic line explains a lot about people and their struggles. And it has helped me to understand myself better. And, eventually, to have much more compassion and patience for myself. But let's start at the beginning…

Every person has a story. A story that has been shaped by our experiences, by our culture, our relationships. And while we are writing our story, we make decisions: About ourselves, about others, the world. Decisions that in turn shape how we act. Feel. Think.
These stories can also be called script. Like in a play where everyone says the lines the director has chosen for them. This is sometimes incredibly boring and still, it offers great comfort because through it, we have a purpose. And that's why we hate and love our story, our script. We feel trapped within it and yet, when we attempt to find a way out, we are terrified, unable to move. Going to the edge of our script is the most fear-inducing we can possibly do. The world outside our script is too vague, too new, too different: Even though we desperately want to explore it, we have no idea how this could possibly work. How do we act, think, behave in this strange new world? And how can we still feel safe?

Over the years I have learned that my script is not set in stone. That it is up to me to explore it and to slowly advance towards its edge, into the unknown. I have explored many characters in my script, I have hated some and I have learned to love them. I have come to accept them (myself) for who they are (I am). And I have learned that the journey to a new script doesn't mean that I have to completely let go of my old script. While the old one doesn't fit me anymore, it still offers comfort and safety. Venturing out is connected to coming back to my secure base. So, take care, whoever you are, on your journey to the edge of your script. And be gentle with yourself might you get scared. It's ok. We all do at times. Come back in when it gets to hard and go on when you are ready once more. Take care…