Be perfect?

Perfectionism is one of the biggest traps people can fall into. It comes in so many shapes and forms and it doesn't differentiate between people. Between ages or ethnicities or abilities. Everyone can fall into this trap. No one is safe. And the trap, oh, the smell of the trap… It lures us in. It speaks to us. It surrounds us, seduces us, crawls into our brain. It promise success, prestige, fame. It takes hold of our will, our motivation, our emotions. And then, once the job is done, it becomes almost invisible. It evades our touch, is constantly on the move. It has won. But has it?

Perfectionism is a double-edged sword. Wanting to excel in something can drive us, motivate us, enable us create something new. And perfectionism can also drives us mad as we are trying to achieve the impossible and are never satisfied, even if we manage to eventually ‘get there’ – because Perfectionism tells us that there is always another ‘there’ behind the last ‘there’.
And Perfectionism also changes the way we think and feel about ourselves. It whispers (often false) promises. It haunts us. It gets our hopes up. And then, when we fail (“Yet again”, Perfectionism sneers), we rapidly descend into a dark void where we beat ourselves up about not being ‘good enough’. We feel sad, dejected, alone. Ready to give up. Until Perfectionism starts to haunt us yet again, this time with new tricks, but always the same agenda: To infiltrate us. To drive us until we can't walk no more. To kill hope, confidence, relationships.

Brene Brown has done fantastic work in the area of perfectionism. In her book The Gifts of Imperfection she writes:

“Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis.”
Understanding this has taken me a while. Wanting to change has taken even longer. And putting it into practice is still a daily struggle for me. It takes courage, every single day. But imperfection is what I choose. Even if Perfectionism creeps back in and re-gains it – temporary – hold. I am imperfect. And that's OK.