Introducing self-doubt

For me, self-doubt is something like a good ol' friend. We have known each other for as long as I can remember and trust me, we have had our fair share of good and not so good times together. Self-doubt, for example, is very reliable. Always there when I (don't) need her. Always playing her (well-known) games with me. And certainly one of my clingiest friends enemies.
Over the years, self-doubt and I have had a few conversations. I remember this one well, when I was starting out on the longest tramp to date and initially, nothing seemed to go as planned. Everything was so much more difficult than I had anticipated and I was ready to give up. The conversation back then went something like this:

(Self-doubt, sneering) Soooooo, you really thought that you would be cut out for this?
(Me, meek voice) Well, yeah, kinda...
(Self-doubt, arrogant) You are ridiculous, you know that? You, cut out for this. Cut out for ANYTHING? Really? Stop day-dreaming.
(Me, quietly) OK....

My relationship with self-doubt has changed somewhat when I compare my life today with my life back then. Yes, the relationship is still rather complicated and more, well, 'intimate' than I would prefer, but some things have changed. I have completed my studies just three months ago and am now in the delightful terrifying position of finding a job. The only thing being that there are no jobs out there in Auckland. Well, there are a scattered few, but most of them are not what I would want to pursue as a career choice. So, what to do?

1. I could sit in my house until the day when a fairy godmother arrives at my doorstep with the perfect offer of employment in her silver hands. (Don't ask me why the hands are silver, they just are.) Well, not gonna happen any time soon.
2. I could be happy to volunteer until the end of my days and make jam and preserves in my free-time. Tempting, but no thanks.
3. That leaves good ol' option number 3: Get out there and find it. Create it. Be it. This what I want, but it scares the living daylights out of me. And it certainly opens the door for self-doubt, who happily sneaks in...

The thing is, nowadays self-doubt still makes herself heard. And that's actually OK. Because someone with a very gentle voice has recently joined these conversations: Self-acceptance. And this person listens to self-doubt. Listens to all her worries and fears and insults. And then, very gently, self-acceptance moves closer to self-doubt. Very slowly, as to not scare her. Self-acceptance is the quiet presence that allows self-doubt to be. To rest. And maybe, one day, to transform. No one knows when 'one day' will come. It might still be a while. But it doesn't matter. Self-doubt has finally found some rest. And that is all that matters for now…